Man, there’s just so much I want to talk about, but it never hits me when I’m at home and able to devote some time to writing. I wrote, briefly, about my attention problems that seem to be developing… I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little concerned about it. I know that multitasking is inefficient in most cases, but somehow it just FEELS better to be doing more than one thing in what little time I have.
Today I felt like a mechanical being, shuffling up the steps to work.
And as I did, I wished I weren’t so lazy and cautious, and grateful for what I have, so that I might start my own business or something.
Of course, it’s kind of like the kid thing – I don’t really think I care much about having kids, aside from the fact that I’m supposed to want to have kids and my friends and family want me to have kids. I don’t really think I care about being a slave to the wage, aside from the fact that I’m supposed to care about being a slave to the wage.
It’s at times like these that I reflect on the greatness that is time.
Time will make none of these anxieties matter. Time could glorify, or it could vilify… or as in nearly all cases, it could obscure completely and immediately.
Which then emerges a new, vain anxiety – the idea that nature and existence will always be around even when consciousness is not. Civilizations will continue to rise and fall, but will there ever be a time when our network and capabilities are so strong as to last through eternity? I don’t necessarily mean just humans, too. I mean some of those beings out there who might also have consciousness, now or in the unimaginably distant future. Or wow, in the past.
Could it be that we already made some sort of network? Maybe we were really close! Or maybe the network is still out there, and part of the network is that it just moves. Maybe someday the network, in its self-preservation, will move back here. Maybe it would just pass us by, humans being unequipped to handle the concept. Maybe there’s a graduation point for life forms, or maybe there are some life forms that are naturally bounded. Or maybe there’s a narrative that we fit within, and it’s just not our time to be told.
Personally, I like the romance of thinking that time travel is the test by which a civilization should join the network.
In this case, glorification would probably be the route to go (in hopes of a future revival, of course!), but if the above paragraph were the motivations behind the way I position myself then I’d be certifiably crazy. Also, when time still promises relief and obscurity, it’s hard to care enough to put in the energy. You could expend a lot – everything you have, in fact – and still fall short of glory.
It’s really not a good idea to dwell here, actually…
Time makes it hard to care, or to make decisions, or to fight. It’s so easy to be satisfied. So easy to be selfish. (O Victory.)